Band Director Says “One More Time” And Means It

Breaking – Fishburg, PA

The Marching Marlin of Poisson High School recently encountered an unprecedented incident that left the band traumatized. In a recent rehearsal, Avril Conn, the band’s head director uttered three familiar words according to sources. But it wasn’t those three words that left everyone stunned, it was the incredible aftermath.

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Students were overwhelmed by the incident.

“She just said, ‘One more time,'” said D’lude Fox, a junior trombone player who burst into tears and couldn’t finish her statement.

“We all thought everything was normal until the incident,” Don Derhead, an assistant director who instructs woodwinds added.

The referenced incident occurred exactly three and a half minutes after the initial “one more time” phrase was uttered. It was witnessed by at least 82 students at the scene. According to reports, Conn directed a piece of music called Fool For You that the band had been rehearsing for a Spring parade. When the final note was played, and the lasting fermata was held to its conclusion, the band director, lowered her baton, closed the conductor’s score, and then wished the band a happy spring break before walking calmly to her office. Reports from the scene indicate that a general sense of shock descended onto the oblivious students.

“We just didn’t know what to do,” Lane Braim, a freshman snare drum player said.

“We were in total shock. We all just sat there, hoping someone would rescue us,” added Josh Feign, a senior drum major who plays bass clarinet.

Reports were confirmed that the band director simply said, “One more time,” conducted the piece, and then when the song was finished dismissed the band and left.

After about eleven minutes of dazed confusion, witnesses at the scene realized that Conn had intentionally meant “one more time” to mean it would be the final run through when she said it, but because it had never happened before in the history of the world, many students were shaken to their core.

Students were paralyzed by fair, not able to leave their seats.

Students were paralyzed by fair, not able to leave their seats.

“I was so shook,” said Ree Dacule, a sophomore color guard member who also plays triangle. “We just sat there trapped, paralyzed by our fear.”

The group of students was rescued when a maintenance member found them three hours later, frozen in shock to their seats. Conn had since left and surveillance footage captured from a local Applebee’s was obtained that includes her eating loaded potato boats during the time that her students remained trapped. No charges have been filed. No students were harmed, but unfortunately, one trumpet player was so disoriented by the incident that he dropped his brand new Bach Stradivarius causing a small dent in the bell. Guidance counselors have been made available for the student body to process this unprecedented and terribly shocking incident.

Field reporting by Abe Rill Fules.

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